I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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