Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She's the barista slut.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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