Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
