it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
