I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
