So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
