so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
