The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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