I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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