we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
