you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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