Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
