We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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