halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
