standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
