Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
