Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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