Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
