Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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