i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
