Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
