How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
