I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
