Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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