When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we made out on top of his cat.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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