hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
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Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Please don't give away my fajitas
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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