actually, I'm a sock model
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
