I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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