Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
