Already got asked if we're dating
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
