It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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