There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
