I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think your dad took our porno
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
