I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
