Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
