Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
