It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
