Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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