i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
