Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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