Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
