Where did you get a picture of my penis
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.