hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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