I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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