Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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