for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
