He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
