It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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