I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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