Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
