More tranny stories later!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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