theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
