hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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