Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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