this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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