maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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