I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
