this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was born a porn star she said
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
