Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
