Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
