he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
