i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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