i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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